Nancy Amphoux
Memories of my first teacher
Nancy Amphoux lived for a long time in Strasbourg, working as a translator for the Conseil d'Europe. While there, she began a relationship with Jean Baby, the chief librarian there and also the founder of the Strasbourg Zen Dojo, which would continue to the end of her life. Both of them followed Zen Master Mokudo Taisen Deshimaru - an unconventional Soto Zen teacher who came to Paris in the 60's. Nancy would comfortably refer to herself as a disciple of Deshimaru - in the sense that she submitted to his teachings and the discipline of Zazen; seated Zen practice. However, anyone who has known Nancy at any point in her life will know that Nancy was no yes-woman; and for her to be a disciple did not mean mindless acceptance of the words of another, but rather an intense relationship in which questioning and challenge played a part. She was close to him, and traveled with him both to Japan and the US. She wrote about her relationship with Deshimaru in the book 'Diary of a Zen Nun', together with her relationship with the cancer that finally killed her. The book was published by Penguin but is unfortunately now out-of-print.
Master Deshimaru was keen that Nancy translate his teachings in English, as most were transcribed in French (despite being given in 'Zenglish'), and she did significant work in this direction. She translated 3 of his books, 'Questions to a Zen Master', 'The Ring of the Way' and 'The Zen Way to Martial Arts', and these were also published by Penguin in the 80's. (Again, now out-of-print.) However, after Deshimaru's death, she and Jean wanted to devote their energy to spreading his teaching and the practice of Zen. Rumour has it that they had different views about where this should be - Jean wanted to go to Israel where he had a connection with a peace building community of Jews and Palestinians, while Nancy wanted to go to the USA - and the UK was a compromise.... Whatever the truth was, they ended up in Bristol.
They founded Bristol Zen Dojo together in 1986. Initially it was part of a Martial Arts building ('A spiritual 19th hole', joked Nancy following some local publicity of it...) but soon moved to a location of its own in the basement flat of one of the new group. Nancy committed her intense energy to the practice and transmission of Zen, the success of the Bristol group, and the formation of groups elsewhere in the country - Manchester, London, Edinburgh, Oxford, South Wales.... Together with Jean, she founded the UK branch of the International Zen Association (www.izauk.org). She continued to lead daily practice periods, Zen days and Sesshin - more intensive practice periods - until the cancer which had been in remission reasserted itself, this time in her spine.
She returned to Strasbourg to be closer to the doctors she trusted, and stayed there undergoing surgery and chemotherapy in an effort to hold it back. I visited her there, and though her body was wasted, it was clear that her spirit was intense as ever when she batted aside my words of pity. Soon after that visit, she chose to stop treatment and came back to Jean in Bristol. She prepared to die - systematically arranging her affairs and giving away possessions she felt Jean would not be interested in, and teaching with growing intensity from her home, despite the morphine she used to keep the pain at bay. As I was leaving, the last time I saw her alive, she spoke the word 'Zazen!' and gave me the thumbs up. I knew she didn't expect to see me again, and wanted to emphasise what she still saw as central to her life (and mine) - the practice of Zen. She died two days later, and despite the inevitable sense of loss there was some sense of 'rightness' about the way it happened.
Her legacy to us is the teachings she gave, which live on in a number of us who continue to practice and teach ourselves. The organisation she founded continues to flourish, with a number of groups across the country and regular intensive practice periods.
(Written in response to a request from the Hoxton Cafe Project)