Practice as Distraction. Contentment in Striving. Discipline.
Mondo - Formal Zen Question and Response - from Bristol Zen Dojo
Go Deeply into One Thing
Q: Sometimes I worry that in my quest for spirituality, I’m just trying to distract myself even further. Do you have any advice for me about letting go of that fear or dealing with that possibility?
A: Obviously, I don’t know you – this is the first time we have met. I don’t know what you’re distracting yourself from, and I don’t necessarily need to. You don’t need to share that if you don’t want to.
What I would say is if you enter wholeheartedly into a practice, then it might start off as a distraction, or maybe an avoidance. But when one enters deeply into the practice, you will find it’s no longer an avoidance. It will allow you to make space to face what you’re avoiding - naturally, unconsciously and automatically. It’s very nice to see you here tonight, but I’m not proselytising and saying you should stay with us, just to be clear. But find one practice and stick with it, whether it’s with us or whether it’s somewhere else. You need to go deeply and sincerely into one practice. Moving between practices is definitely a way of distraction and avoidance. You need to go deeply into one thing. What that is, is up to you. But go deeply in. And then it will no longer be an avoidance.
Not Only for You
Q: How do we find contentment with what we have, rather than a sense of lack and striving for more, while also working towards being in a better position in life?
A: I think that making your life better should not be only for you. Let go of the idea it’s only for you. It’s to allow you to serve in whatever way is right for your karma. Don’t be desperate to feel better just for you, but look for ways to make your life better to allow you to serve better. And if you do that, then you will be able to accept the disappointments which everyone faces in life more easily. The practice of Zazen allows us to make space for the feelings of dissatisfaction that we have about our situation, and desires for how we want it to be different. Make space for those, accept them, and let them go. They will still be there, but if you make space for them, they’ll be less powerful. Act to improve your life with a certain intention, not only for your personal self but also for those around you, and more broadly, for all beings. We need a certain element of stableness in life to allow us to practice, and our practice is an offering for all beings. I gassho to you.
We Notice our Tendencies
Q: How do we find the balance between discipline and self-compassion?
A: I think the answer is different for each of us. What we must look for is where the will is becoming too fixed. Where, basically, the discipline is an act of ego. That’s the key. And similarly, when the self-compassion is ego rather than compassion. Are we being too hard on ourselves because we have an egoic idea of how we should be a perfect Zen person? Or are we being too easy on ourselves? This is something that has to come from inner observation, of noticing our tendencies, of how our personal character manifests in our practice. And also, it’s partly by practicing regularly with a teacher. The teacher will notice, and they will make you aware of these things.
I remember my second teacher, Jean Shogen Baby doing this with me back in the 90s when I had been practicing for 4 or 5 years. It was in a Mondo, like this. I can’t remember what I was asking about, but he just made this offhand comment as part of his response - ‘The young people aren’t showing up in the mornings at the moment, it’s only the older people’. And as he was talking to me, it was clear he was obliquely saying: maybe you’re being a little bit easy on yourself at the moment. So it’s a combination of self awareness in practice, and also allowing yourself to be open to feedback from others, particularly your teacher.
Thank you, all.